10:14 P.M. EDT
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. (Applause.) Thank you, everybody. (Laughter.) How do you like my new entrance music? (Applause.) Rush Limbaugh warned you about this — second term, baby. (Laughter and applause.) We’re changing things around here a little bit. (Laughter.)
Actually, my advisors were a little worried about the new rap entrance music. (Laughter.) They are a little more traditional. They suggested that I should start with some jokes at my own expense, just take myself down a peg. I was like, guys, after four and a half years, how many pegs are there left? (Laughter.)
I want to thank the White House Correspondents. Ed, you’re doing an outstanding job. We are grateful for — (applause) — the great work you’ve done. To all the dignitaries who are here, everybody on the dais — I especially want to say thank you to Ray Odierno, who does outstanding service on behalf of our country, and all our men and women in uniform every single day. (Applause.)
And of course, our extraordinary First Lady, Michelle Obama. (Applause.) Everybody loves Michelle. (Laughter.) She’s on the cover of Vogue, high poll numbers. But don’t worry — I recently got my own magazine cover. (Laughter.)
Now, look, I get it. These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I’m not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be. (Laughter.) Time passes. You get a little gray. (Laughter.)
And yet, even after all this time, I still make rookie mistakes. Like, I’m out in California, we’re at a fundraiser, we’re having a nice time. I happen to mention that Kamala Harris is the best-looking attorney general in the country. (Laughter.) As you might imagine, I got trouble when I got back home. (Laughter.) Who knew Eric Holder was so sensitive? (Laughter and applause.)
And then there’s the Easter Egg Roll, which is supposed to be just a nice, fun event with the kids. I go out on the basketball court, took 22 shots — made two of them. (Laughter.) That’s right: two hits, 20 misses. The executives at NBC asked, “What’s your secret?” (Laughter and applause.)
So, yes, maybe I have lost a step. But some things are beyond my control. For example, this whole controversy about Jaz-Z going to Cuba — it’s unbelievable. I’ve got 99 problems and now Jay-Z is one. (Laughter and applause.) That’s another rap reference, Bill. (Laughter.) I’ll let you know. (Applause.)
Of course, everybody has got plenty of advice. Maureen Dowd said I could solve all my problems if I were just more like Michael Douglas in “The American President.” (Laughter.) And I know Michael is here tonight. Michael, what’s your secret, man? (Laughter.) Could it be that you were an actor in an Aaron Sorkin liberal fantasy? (Laughter.) Might that have something to do with it? (Applause.) I don’t know. Check in with me. Maybe it’s something else. (Laughter.)
Anyway, I recognize that this job can take a toll on you. I understand — second term, you need a burst