By Don Klein
Award-winning ad man-cum-auto journalist Don Klein knows a good (or bad) car commercial when he sees one; the Ad Section is his space to tell you what he thinks of the latest spots. The ad’s rating is depicted via the shift pattern at the bottom, but everyone has an opinion when it comes to advertising, so hit Backfires below and tell us what you think, too.
Arrrgh, maties! Gather ’round and I’ll tell you a story that’ll shiver your timbers and warm the cockles of your hearts. It’s the tale of a navy captain and the woman he loved, separated at sea by a surprise attack that rained fire and death on the brave captain’s vessel. A tale that spans two centuries and ends with the couple finally being reunited, thanks to the dedication of the captain’s stylish-yet-rugged descendent and his stylish-yet-rugged luxury crossover. Aye, and what a tale it is! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll never be the same.
We don’t know the ship’s name or whose flag she fought under, but we do know “she went down on the outer shoals on May 12, 1801.” Outgunned by a frigate, she was. “It came out of nowhere.” Alas, she took most of the crew with her when she went down. The captain survived, but was “hauled out, taken ashore, and taken prisoner.” And the fair maiden? She just sort of floated away. No surprise there—she’s made out of wood. And now, more than 200 years later, she is discovered by an art collector who appears to be the captain’s great-great-great grandson (if I’ve done my math correctly), or, judging from the unbelievable resemblance to the dude in the portrait, the reincarnation of the captain himself. Either way, she’s still looking good when the matchmaker hangs her on his condo wall directly in the gaze of He Who Was Blindsided. Oh, and did I mention he drives an Evoque? Its ample cargo capacity, nimble maneuverability, and surefooted all-wheel drive didn’t merely take our hero and his precious artifact home, it took him “above and beyond.”
Above and beyond reality, that is. What part of this commercial is in any way anchored in fact? The narrator says the attack took place on “the outer shoals,” which would indicate a location off the East Coast, likely the Carolinas or New England. But no military vessels went down in those waters in 1801. Certainly none belonging to the United States. We sold all our ships after the Revolutionary War and didn’t re-establish a fleet until early 1801, and the only action those vessels (six frigates) saw that year was off the Barbary Coast.
Hours of additional research showed me that, although the uniform of the captain in the commercial is not nation-specific, his hat is most assuredly that of a British captain. Furthering the argument of the British bloodline is that the Evoque is painted red, a color still associated with the “Redcoats” at the end of the 18th century. The fake battle scenes shed …read more
Source: FULL ARTICLE at Car & Driver